I thought since giving birth to Amalia i had felt and come to love the feeling of being her Mummy. I thought that my love for her couldn't possibly get any stronger or deeper.
Our day to day activities of her feeding, playing, going to sleep, me going in, seeing her excited smile and cradling her in my arms when she wakes from a nap are all things i love experiencing and couldn't imagine ever tiring of.
I thought that i had felt how it truly feels to be a 'mother'.
That is until she fell ill.
From all my crushed high school loves to adulthood heartbreaks i thought i knew how it felt to ache for someone. But no, i was wrong, nothing has ever hit me as deep as seeing my poor little helpless baby girl sick.
Now i thank goodness that this is something that will pass and she will be fine, and my heart goes out to those parents with babies and children with very serious illnesses. But it doesn't make it feel any less traumatic at the time, nor make me feel any less helpless.
I think what also hit me hard was that whenever i have needed love, comforting or reassurance i have always had my mum to call on. This time i was the mum, i had to be the strong one, the one giving cuddles and kisses and saying that everything was going to be ok. This is what really made me realise what it's like to be a mother. No matter what i was thinking bad or otherwise, all i had to do was make sure she felt safe and that she was going to be ok.
This is Mali on her third day of being unwell.
She still manages to give us big smiles occasionally
even though i know she's feeling terrible.
So it turns out she has Croup. Very scary and very cruel for little babies. She is definitely feeling better and her appetite has returned as of today...YAY!!
I love being Mali's mummy & i hope she feels as protected & safe as i did when i was young.
Tam xx
